(BTW, those tigers are real)
I wrote on a frivolous topic last time (for those who missed it, here is quick summary: I posted horrifying profiles I found on relationship sites though soon I will probably succumb and join the bandwagon), and so this time I thought I would comment on a more controversial topic: parenting. I am by no means an authority on the subject (Heck, I don't even have children), but the thought has of course crossed my mind. Do I want them? And if yes, how to raise them? Mostly, after reading books like "A Stolen Life" by Jaycee Lee Dugard, how would I protect them?
I think the most important point I took from Amy Chua's book, "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother," is there is no perfect method for parenting. What works with one child fails miserably with another, as was the case with her daughters Sophia (the goody two-shoes) and Lulu (the rebellious one). The lesson here is to recognize the individuality of every child, and feel out the child in their developmental years so you can find a parenting plan that works best.
We talk so much about collaboration in relationships, and I think a parent-child is is no different. I think at some point an honest conversation needs to be had about what the child would like, what the parent's goals are, and how to we intertwine them so the child can be both happy and successful. By honest, I don't mean the kid saying, "I want to be let loose on Facebook for ten hours," which Amy Chua rightfully gave as an example of what a typical kid would do if given the opportunity to do whatever they wished, and the parent saying, "Sure honey. Whatever you want." But I don't think every kid would want Facebook if they were exposed early on to reading, culture, art, and music. I think a lot of that comes from letting the tv babysit the child, and parents simply not having enough time. I don't criticize these parents because clothing and feeding your children is equally important, and at some point, quality time gives.
Now onto her "Chinese" model of parenting, a term which is used very loosely. I like the value of excellence she touted with her children. How she went about it seems at times sadistic and extreme, but one has to keep in mind it's a satiric memoir, not a how-to book. Yes, I buy into that argument of hers. If she wanted to talk about how her model produced perfect children, the book would just be about Sophia, who has been accepted into Harvard. But she was uncannily honest, and showed the strengths and pitfalls of the model. I do believe with hard work and self-discipline, an average individual can be successful at whatever they attempt, unless it's something that requires years to hone, an art like piano or sports like tennis (that's not to say one couldn't be good at it as a late starter; but don't expect to be a virtuoso).
I think it's remarkable how many hours she devoted to practicing with her children, and how she stayed up at night to research each and every aspect of music. For those who criticized whether her children felt the music or were just playing, just read Sophia's essay on playing Tchaikovsky's Romeo and Juliet at Carneigi Hall, and you will know music pervaded her soul, and she loved it. I think even Lulu enjoyed playing the violin, but didn't like that it wasn't her choice and that music became a chore rather than an expression of self.
The question that really struck me when reading the book was why she was so hell-bent on raising her children the Chinese way when Jed, her husband, was raised in the very opposite tradition and still became very successful and accomplished. Did she think he was the exception? I am going to e-mail Chua at some point and see if I get a response. If I do, I will post it here.
I know my high opinion of her and her book seems very odd coming from a B-sian, who Amy Chua would probably detest and cringe at the sight of, but I also think it's important to give credit where it's due. And funnily enough, I was also born in the Year of the Tiger. Now it's time to roar. Back to secondaries.
I wrote on a frivolous topic last time (for those who missed it, here is quick summary: I posted horrifying profiles I found on relationship sites though soon I will probably succumb and join the bandwagon), and so this time I thought I would comment on a more controversial topic: parenting. I am by no means an authority on the subject (Heck, I don't even have children), but the thought has of course crossed my mind. Do I want them? And if yes, how to raise them? Mostly, after reading books like "A Stolen Life" by Jaycee Lee Dugard, how would I protect them?
I think the most important point I took from Amy Chua's book, "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother," is there is no perfect method for parenting. What works with one child fails miserably with another, as was the case with her daughters Sophia (the goody two-shoes) and Lulu (the rebellious one). The lesson here is to recognize the individuality of every child, and feel out the child in their developmental years so you can find a parenting plan that works best.
We talk so much about collaboration in relationships, and I think a parent-child is is no different. I think at some point an honest conversation needs to be had about what the child would like, what the parent's goals are, and how to we intertwine them so the child can be both happy and successful. By honest, I don't mean the kid saying, "I want to be let loose on Facebook for ten hours," which Amy Chua rightfully gave as an example of what a typical kid would do if given the opportunity to do whatever they wished, and the parent saying, "Sure honey. Whatever you want." But I don't think every kid would want Facebook if they were exposed early on to reading, culture, art, and music. I think a lot of that comes from letting the tv babysit the child, and parents simply not having enough time. I don't criticize these parents because clothing and feeding your children is equally important, and at some point, quality time gives.
Now onto her "Chinese" model of parenting, a term which is used very loosely. I like the value of excellence she touted with her children. How she went about it seems at times sadistic and extreme, but one has to keep in mind it's a satiric memoir, not a how-to book. Yes, I buy into that argument of hers. If she wanted to talk about how her model produced perfect children, the book would just be about Sophia, who has been accepted into Harvard. But she was uncannily honest, and showed the strengths and pitfalls of the model. I do believe with hard work and self-discipline, an average individual can be successful at whatever they attempt, unless it's something that requires years to hone, an art like piano or sports like tennis (that's not to say one couldn't be good at it as a late starter; but don't expect to be a virtuoso).
I think it's remarkable how many hours she devoted to practicing with her children, and how she stayed up at night to research each and every aspect of music. For those who criticized whether her children felt the music or were just playing, just read Sophia's essay on playing Tchaikovsky's Romeo and Juliet at Carneigi Hall, and you will know music pervaded her soul, and she loved it. I think even Lulu enjoyed playing the violin, but didn't like that it wasn't her choice and that music became a chore rather than an expression of self.
The question that really struck me when reading the book was why she was so hell-bent on raising her children the Chinese way when Jed, her husband, was raised in the very opposite tradition and still became very successful and accomplished. Did she think he was the exception? I am going to e-mail Chua at some point and see if I get a response. If I do, I will post it here.
I know my high opinion of her and her book seems very odd coming from a B-sian, who Amy Chua would probably detest and cringe at the sight of, but I also think it's important to give credit where it's due. And funnily enough, I was also born in the Year of the Tiger. Now it's time to roar. Back to secondaries.
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